What does it mean to confess? Is it as simple as taking the naked truth and exposing it to the masses? If so does speaking a truth to the masses make a confession true or could it be a professed lie. I think about the criminals who are imprisoned even now because of a false confession, a falsely spoken truth. Of course , given the research, most these false confessions were given under force. Still the confession was powerful and provided almost the same results as the actual truth. Think about it, the victim of the crime finds justice. Friends and family find freedom from the terror of an open unresolved court case. Confession, whether true or false, changes lives instantly. For instance, if a husband confesses to his wife that he’s had an affair. It doesn’t matter whether the affair occurred or not, the result of the confession is ultimately the same, a distrust in what was once a trustful marriage. So why is confession this powerful ? Why does it carry so much pull?
I was nine years old when I was asked to give my first false confession. I was in a fight in the girl’s bathroom and escaped unscratched. So my punishment for winning such a battle was given to me the next day. I was told in order to save myself I had to confess to something I didn’t do. I was to tell my teacher that I pulled my shirt up in front of a boy and said something much too provocative for a third grader. If I didn’t comply to my false confession, I would experience let’s just say painful things. I was given a deadline, and it came fast. Eventually I gave my false confession, and the results were the same as if I had done what I’d said; a scolding from my teacher and a letter to my parents. It was then I learned that confession was not always good for the soul. My confession saved me from the pain that those girls would have happily given me but it didn’t save me from myself. Still today, I regret I ever confessed because I became something I wasn’t. Like the criminals sitting in jail for a crime they didn’t commit, I adopted a new identity that wasn’t mine to adopt; the true power of confession.
So here comes my true confession, a confession sit within the restraints of Godliness. Same sex attraction has been a part of my life for a long time , and truthfully is a struggle, but a struggle is all same sex attraction will ever be in my life. My hope and dreams rest with my husband, and I truthfully believe that God has one in store for me , one that I will be fully and wholesomely attracted to. My goals in life isn’t lifetime celibacy, and it never was . I know one day I will hold my biological daughter in my arms , and I believe God is bringing this to completion even now as I type . No, God’s solution to homosexuality is not heterosexuality. God only requires our obedience. So yes being an obedient Christian who struggles strongly with same sex attraction is awesome in His eyes. However as I’ve found every once and while it’s okay to have faith in what seems impossible.